ANUSHMITAA : The Ray of Sunlight

 

    Life is a very strange journey. Laden with experiences, both good and bad, some tickling sensations of emotions garrulous amongst the waves of the mind. Amongst all these is the most important member. Love. Yes, I am talking about the first love in life. The emotion which can never be replaced with anything else, however pleasing or great. Everyone experiences this at some point of time in life. If it goes good, you are blessed. But alas! all aren't blessed.

    Today, as the sky grew overcast with the depressed cloud of memories I felt a queer pain in my chest. I don't smoke, nor do I drink but I don't know what had addicted me for the past few days. I could neither sleep nor think. Just sitting outside the cottage door of my small haven amidst the valleys of Shimla, I was rejuvenating some past memories. I don't know why but it gives me some pleasure. I have come across several people in the last few years of my 29-year-long life and have acquired a lot of knowledge from them. For them, I have some expressions. The reason being all those who have come have not come for a good cause. Some had come just to give me a bit of pain. Some were always there. Like, parents. Some friends were mostly temporary but yet had some bit of an impact on me. The other acquaintances include the teachers, the students, the colleagues and all kinds of people from all walks of life. Yes, everyone has an impact on us, on me too. But amongst these, I could remember just one person in my life who had a major impact on me. I mean, really really major. The state of impact might not sound along my tides, but an impact is an impact. Maybe, I too had some impact on them. I don't know. Or rather, I can't know. Because the person was like a comet in my life. Just for three to four years and then gone. All of a sudden. Well, I might be sounding a bit mysterious from my descriptions but I won't drag it longer. Since you are reading so patiently till this, I think I must disclose the truth.

    It was April 2013. I was admitted to the Vision International School, Uttarpara. It was a school situated in the Hooghly district of West Bengal, on the outskirts of Kolkata, you may say. And well, before I begin anything I will like to convey that I have nothing but bitter regard for that school. Now, ages have passed and I really don't know how much popular this piece of writing is going to be so the school tries to sue me. But I also doubt whether it is in a condition to do that. Anyways, my last ICSE school was the VIS of Uttarpara. It had a strategically brilliant positioning, just beside a dumping ground so that the students could be punished with the pungent odour from the garbages throughout the day, I don't know why. We had a paedophile principal, I would better ignore speaking much about her. The school, as I saw on the first day was kind of impressive from the interiors and from all the orientations that had taken place beforehand. But the real story was something different. My father was a government employee and transfer is a key feature of such jobs. Naturally, we had to shift from North Bengal to South Bengal, near Kolkata where my dad was expecting a transfer. But it was yet a thing of two long years. So, I and my mother had to come and stay till my father too was along. Luckily, we bought an apartment in a place called Dankuni, in the same district as my school. We shifted there and my schooling started. 2nd April 2013. My first day in VIS. The uniform was a bit weird but okay, no issues with me. I entered my class and someone acquainted me with the class topper. A chubby girl, name Debika Bhattacharya was the brand ambassador of class 7A there and I was told that it is impossible to compete. If someone would have said that thing these days, I would have smiled and left. But those days were the days of warmer blood. And I took this as a challenge. I studied hard for a few weeks and the results were evident in the first class test. The Maths test. I scored 30/30. I have come to hear that even Debika couldn't do that in her career till then. Well, all thanks to my parents who have taught me. Because I believe a base created by parents is a thousand times more worthy than one created by a tuition teacher. But surprises were yet to come. I scored 29.5/30 in Chemistry, 29/30 in Physics, 28.5/30 in Geography, 27/30 in English Grammar and so on, putting an end to the Debika legacy. Naturally, the crowd was heavier on my side. I made many new friends (all useless). And this empire continued raising. But alongside, there was another warrior who was battling in her class too. Anushmitaa. Anushmitaa Ghosh. The runner-up of class 4B. She used to return home in the same pool car as mine. In the beginning, I had no feelings for anything. And you can understand class 7 is too young to have those. Just the onset of adolescence. But I somewhat admired Anushmitaa. She was not the typical kind of topper whom I knew or have seen around. She was like me. The warrior with a smile. Anushmitaa was a pretty little girl, very jolly and cute. She was quite popular amongst her friends. Many things were similar among us. And we were on good terms. In the beginning, I used to be a quiet guy in the car. But gradually, I was made to open up by two of my friends. Vineet and Ankan. Vineet was the monkey of the car. Hanging on side rods, sitting on doors and engaging inmates in all forms of mischievous activities. He even tried to prank me but he wasn't quite successful. But yes, it was fun. Amongst the other co-passengers were Ankan and Deep. Ankan was a damn crackhead of the car. And there were many reasons to say so. Ankan used to take tuition at a place in the Dankuni Housing. He used to live in a place called the "Khelar math", an area on the other side of the railway gate. He used to come to Housing twice a week on his bicycle. He claimed that he used to hold the back beam of trucks and drive along on the flyover. Now you know this is a dangerous activity. Once the truck unknowingly breaks, he would straight drive into its rear wheels due to inertia. Well, that was one mischief. Apart from that he once kidnapped a stray dog for fun. He put them inside a sack and rode away under the flyover and left the dog. When his tuition teacher heard of it, she asked to meet his parents and afterwards, Ankan got a good thrashing from them. Still, he remained the same. 

    Deep was the cool dude of the car. He loved to show off his costly accessories and brag about his gaming skills. He was also a womanizer sort of guy who had a long list of school girls having crushes on him. He actually switched to VIS the same year I did and was also new to the school. But the main attraction of the pool car was none of these but a girl, a year junior to us. Bedotrayee Chakraborty. Bedotrayee was literally hot. She was the car's crush. Not only for the boys of my car but almost all the seniors and our year. Although I honestly felt nothing for her. But yes, she was a bit weird. She intentionally used to act in a way that would excite the boys in the car and I didn't like that gesture from a junior. Perhaps, I was a little simple then and my mind wasn't that dirty. Anyways, we were all good to go with these. Due to the influence of three monkeys, I too became a bit mischievous. Ankan and Deep were masters of cuss words and slang and this was like a contagious disease. I was affected by it unknowingly and I turned out to be a worse user of those cuss words. Naturally, this wasn't liked by many except my friends. And our school had the unnecessary irritation of punishing pupils for the slightest wrong. Even Anushmitaa didn't like the type of behaviour but at that time I was a bit of an asshole. Before even launching a good impact I was creating a negative one. But at that time I honestly didn't care about it. 

    Everything was going on fine until a new character entered in the story. A girl named Astha Prasad. She joined VIS in the middle of the session and was allotted our class. Class 7A. The first day I saw her, something tickled my mind. It was nothing but an overdosed infatuation that a twelve-thirteen-year-old guy would say, love. And yes, I fell for her that day. But it was a very difficult situation altogether. A guy in class 7 has fallen for a girl in the same class. In a strict school which didn't mind its own business but deliberately disturbed others. I don't know what is seriously wrong with the Indian psychology that affairs, loves etc are considered illegal objects. If you are caught then the authorities (parents, teachers and even sometimes seniors) would leave no stone unturned in punishing you. So, I had to plan a proper way to tell her about my feelings. And the bigger mistake I did was I told Ankan about it before I told anyone else. Ankan proved to be an asshole. He circulated that I liked Astha in the classroom and in the car. It made me lose my face but I won't deny that it was creating some support for me too. And the ice broke when Astha came to me to seek some help in Maths. The whole class was looking at me and planning all sorts of fantasies in their minds about me and Astha. I too was blushing while helping her. I at first fumbled but later somewhat controlled myself. Those five minutes were seeming so long and unending to me. And once it finally ended, stories were being made about me. And someone told Anushmitaa that I was madly in love with a girl called Astha. And now, Anushmitaa followed the suit of teasing me. Not to mention that I enjoyed those vibes. Gradually I tried to propose to Astha one day and without saying anything she began to cry. I was seriously in danger that day. If by any chance she would have told my class teacher then it would have landed me in real danger. But luckily, she didn't. After that, however, we were good friends and I later came to know about her ex. Avinav Baghel. Astha used to study in a school in Madhya Pradesh before she shifted to VIS and I came to know from her that Avinav was her boyfriend for about three years. That day, she cried not because I have proposed but because she saw Avinav had cheated on her as she came to VIS. At that time students had a craze for Facebook. I still remember her id was called Acckichikki. Astha was too very popular amongst her friends but she had a different level of fondness for me. I will rather call this a fondness now because I know it wasn't love anyway. I was perhaps the only Bengali friend of her. All the others were of her community. And that seemed a green signal for me. And a green signal for Anushmitaa to tease me. I didn't like her teasings. I don't know why but I didn't. Anyways, I was all into Astha at that time. We had a lot of chit-chats, funny talks, leg pulls and all sorts of mischief. One day, Astha accidentally stepped on someone's school bag and fell on me. I held her in the air and most accidentally, her lips touched my cheeks. Now it was very much embarrassing for me and her me. None of us was prepared for this and our classmates are assholes. Stories were being made and they spread like wildfire. That day something unexpected happened. Once the news reached Anushmitaa like all other times, she was angry. Anger of jealousy, maybe. Because that day when I stepped inside the car she didn't talk to me. I really feel bad when people don't talk to me for no reason or for some reason which I don't know. I tried to talk to her. Well at that time I had no feelings for her and so I considered her as a little sister. But she had perhaps a different point-of-view for me. I couldn't understand her motives. After some urging, she screamed at me and said, "Go kiss every girl in your class and lose your complete character". I understood. This was the work of Vineet or Ankan. I called them up and tried to understand who had told the thing. Ankan said it was Vineet and he laughed. That day, I warned him with a coarse note, "Please don't make any false assumptions. I haven't done it intentionally. Neither did Astha. Please, don't spread rumours". Vineet was in no mood to listen. He said, "But you said you love Astha right?" Well, it was true. I had indeed said that once. But that doesn't mean people would take advantage and spread rumours. After all, those were accidents. Anyways, I got into my pool car and quietly went home. My mother was angry with me for some reason maybe. And it wasn't a good experience back there. The next day, I decided to talk to Anushmitaa about the real thing. I found a time after school and explained everything. She understood and nodded. And that thing was settled for then.

    7 months passed. After a month we had the Annual Functions. The theme was the history of India. I was given the role of Khudiram Bose, owing to my lean body. Our teachers used to call us for practice after the lunch break. Astha and I were in adjacent rooms and Anushmitaa was in a different room, away from mine. The rooms were divided on the basis of departments owing to segments of history. And well, here I must include the name of my school best friend, Somshudhya. He was the stud guy, a bodybuilder and a person whose vibes exactly matched mine. Same level of mischief, the same level of cuss word usage, the same level of thinking and a good sense of humour. Somshudhya was given the role of Lala Lajpat Rai and had no other job but to walk and get beaten in the play. Anyways, we were all engrossed in our particular roles when the fondness for writing crept into my brain. I started to write. I thought about narrating the story of me and Astha as two emerging lovers. I began to write in my pocket diary. I wrote everything in detail and added some spicy imagination to it as well. 80% of the story was made ready and my classmates enjoyed it. Even Anushmitaa appreciated it and I liked it when she used to appreciate it. But unluckily the diary was caught by our coordinator, Ma'am and left no stone unturned in showing the wrath. The dairy was handed over to our paedophile principal. She actually enjoyed the story but wasn't satisfied with leaving the case without harming the student. She called my parents. My mother had to rush to school and listen to all the complaints. Now, she was loaded with some disgust which she had to unload. And I was the person whom it would suit. So she thrashed me, read the story and burnt my diary. And that was the end of "Mainastham Sankuntalam" the story which I had written over two weeks. It was followed by a series of scoldings and punishments. Well, I was used to those. Since childhood, I had grown up under abuse and restrictions. It didn't matter any more to me then. But to whom it mattered was Anushmitaa. She was again angry with me. She even said, "Are you a fool? Don't you understand the pains your mother has to take to come to school, listen to the complaints against you and what would be going on in her mind after those?" I listened quietly to her. She was correct. And I never tried to oppose or question her regarding this. But that was just the beginning of an ending. The ending of the Asthaian Era and stepping into the Physics Era. The story was popular but the impacts were not good. This was seen as a drift in the good friendship between me and Astha. She used to stay away from me and more with her friends. One day a guy named Kaushal claimed that he loved Astha. This pissed me off. I said, "Bro, don't make false claims without any background knowledge." Only this much was enough to trigger his male ego and he caught my throat. I was at first shocked by this incident. The other classmates rushed to pull him off. But that was the first and the last time someone tried to dominate me. Because I haven't learnt Taekwondo for show. The next day, I tried to irritate him to take revenge. He repeated the same thing but now I broke his hand. And I was suspended for that but I had no repent. No repentance or sadness for the punishments afterwards. After all, I have a warrior spirit and I never keep silent if someone invades my personal space. Kaushal was the first person on whom I tried my anger. But what made me angry was when I finally found Astha making out with a guy called Aniket. That day my heart literally broke. Somshudhya tried to console me however and he was kind of successful. He said, "What value are you giving to those who played with your emotions?" I agreed. He had a point. Astha ditched me. And it's better to fight with a pen than to fight with arms. So, with the broken heart and career tensions ahead, I tried harder. Finally, I switched my mind to Physics and found that it was way more interesting than all those love breakup shit. When I was promoted to class 9, although Somshudhya was sent to a different section (9B), our section got a Physics teacher who was indeed a jewel. Mr Sanjib Chatterjee Sir. He was the wizard of Physics. It was a balance. Something lost, something gained. Sanjib sir used to set tricky and conceptual questions and that boosted my love for Physics. In the first unit test of Physics, I scored 27/30 which was the highest in VIS in class 9. Even Sanjib sir himself claimed at a point that he was much much impressed with my knowledge of Physics. And from then onwards, the journey got wind in its sails. I left studying everything else. Just Maths and Physics all day. By that time even my father had shifted to Kolkata and we were staying together. Even my parents were surprised to see that I was so enthusiastic about studying. But it was only for Physics and Maths. Not for other subjects. I especially hated History and Biology which I found no point in studying. But, it is the curriculum and I had to do it. However, my life got a new purpose and a new angle from Physics. The purpose of being a knowledge tycoon. I was so deep into it that sometimes my parents have to ask me to sleep. The clock struck 2 AM and I was still engrossed in Physics. Anushmitaa too found a drastic change in me and my behaviour. But by that time she had a boyfriend named Sarthak. An utter idiot of her class. She claimed that he was no better than a jackass who is used to carrying loads. And Sarthak was indeed a jackass. He was from the Alpha house, the same house to which I belonged. Alpha house was full of athletically mixed people but the most inexperienced and idiot house captains. On the other hand, the house in which Anushmitaa was, the Gamma house was full of brilliant sports stars. But anyways our focus was not on sports but on studies. So, Anushmitaa found her interest in Chemistry. Although she wasn't highly engrossed in Chemistry but had a high level of fondness. She had studied Periodic table elements to that level which was in a class 9 textbook when she was in class 6. A real queen she was beside my Physics empire. And the main feelings started mutually in late October 2015. I began to feel that she cared for me more than anyone else. Obviously public relationships of those days were no good to say. I had my experience with Astha and Anushmitaa had learnt from my case and implemented it on Sarthak. But those were mere infatuations. What truly existed was a good bond between us. Anushmitaa noticed that I had changed from a careless hooligan into a studious nerd over time. I had become more polite, towards everyone. I have learnt to care about the people I love. And she perhaps liked those things in me. But, my results weren't as good as the class 7. Still, no worries, life was still better in the love triangle of Me, Physics and Anushmitaa. Gradually days passed. My classmates began to visualize me as a Godfather of Physics. And I considered Anushmitaa as the Goddess mother of Chemistry. Gradually our bonds grew stronger. We even wrote a theory together. The Ghost theory which I had even submitted to CERN, Switzerland. Unfortunately, I don't have it anymore with me and it wasn't even published. Western politics, you can understand. Although she told me her boyfriend was Sarthak her love for me was clear and evident. At times she used to tease me with the name of Astha but when I teased her with the name of Sarthak she used to become quiet. She never used to laugh in that case and used to move away her head. Now I understood that she wasn't liking it. Later I came to know that it was just fun. Sarthak was trying on her but Anushmitaa never cared about him. I was her only person of concern. And obviously, she was mine. I still remember after school we used to rush into the car and I used to lie down at times on the seat. Only she and me in the car. She used to put my head on her lap and gently stroke my hair. She used to tell me all that had happened in the school and if anything happened in her family. I loved to silently her silently. Sometimes I used to open my eyes and look into her eyes. So addicting they were. I used to wonder what mysteries they held. As I used to look at her at a stretch, her pupils appeared like two blackholes which gradually pulled me in. Her lips had a smile of cuteness. Like two pink petals of a rose. Sometimes she used to open her hair band and strands of her hair used to block the sunlight. Those hair strands were like cobwebs. Might be she was an average-looking girl but for me, she was more beautiful than the world. Sometimes, I couldn't understand whom to love more. Anushmitaa or Physics? If Physics was the law, then she was the universe. Well, these moments were just temporary because the other students rushed towards the car for a seat and we could no longer spend the "We time". But we continued to chat. At first, we used to seat facing each other but later she used to sit just beside me. Sometimes when she felt a bit tired, she used to put her head on my shoulders. Sometimes even I used to put my head on her head. Those moments were so good. I could feel her warm breath touch my chest. It felt as if a ray of sun has fallen on the ice layers on a mountain and was melting the snow with the heat.  Gradually class 9 ended for me and class 6 ended for her. And now I was a student in 10th standard and she was in 7th. This was the period of the onset of love.  Because all the casual care had by then turned into something serious. Yes, we were in love. Despite the barrier of ages, a pure love. Backgrounds were also different for us. I belonged to a Zamindar family and she was from a middle-class family. But that never let us have any differences in the bond. Class 10 started with a lot of pressure, academic stresses and hormonal changes. But with that, we were growing mature. There was nothing infatuating. Whatever was happening was genuinely pure. Another reason to justify the point is, we were advanced thinkers. We didn't plan a weekend or a day, but years in advance. We wanted the systems to change. We planned a happy life together. I still remember once I tried to explain Quantum mechanics to her and she listened so quietly and with rapt attention. She asked so wise questions. I was spellbound by her calibre. I couldn't have been so well in Chemistry as she was interested in Physics. But what I felt later was, she was mesmerized by my narrations and not by my knowledge of Physics. Now if this wasn't true love then what is it, I have no idea. She could see only the good in me, I could see only the good in her. Despite thousands of flaws, we felt at times that we were soulmates. At that time I had no idea about astrology or any related sciences, nor did I have the belief. But I knew she once said she was Aries. And I knew I was Leo. And perhaps the Aries Leo bond was really true then. I still remember she used to feed me with her own hands when we returned home. Actually, she was kind of my type. I used to throw my lunch (a part of it though, not the entire thing) before returning home. Because my mother was adamant about changing the menu or packing something delicious and easily finishable so that I could either enjoy it or the recess. But Anushmitaa was much more sensible. She never threw her lunch. Rather she ate that in the pool car while returning home. Sandwiches made by her mom were really tasty. At least better than the rice and curry by my mom which became cold, especially in the winter. Sometimes, I used to buy some snacks like chips or chocolates from the nearby store with my pocket money (which was saved by me with much difficulty, sometimes by teaching local kids or providing them with some sort of favours like illegal sale of kites or threads). But she never used to eat them alone. She use to tear the packet and make sure to put the first piece in my mouth only then she would continue with the rest. I was a bit mischievous those days and my hands were mostly dirty. On the other hand, she was clean and quiet and never let me touch the food with dirty hands. So was so caring. She used to feed me herself. Once we had just one piece of chocolate left which was very hard to break. She had a plan. She held one end of it in her mouth and asked me to hold the other end with my teeth and try to break it, resulting in my lips touching her. I had goosebumps from such an unexpected kiss. But she was normal, a bit shy though after it happened. She said, "Now I am above Astha" and I laughed. Such beautiful was the love story. We used to spend a lot of time together. During sports practice, we used to sit in one corner cuddling. Sometimes she rubbed her nose against my cheeks and put her hands around my neck. I used to look into her eyes and she used to look into mine. We stayed still for a long time unless we were alerted by some disturbances nearby. She had a craving for me and I too had a craving for her. We used to celebrate the entire valentines week. She offered me chocolates, I offered her teddies, then she roses, I hugged her and so on.

    

    But as you know, whenever there is a jewel there are luring eyes looking at it. The same was there. Sarthak, who was then getting jealous of our closeness told me something wrong about me some of my seniors. They were in the 11th standard and very rude. One day after school one of them caught me. And gradually five others came and enclosed the area. They threatened me that if I was ever found close to Anushmitaa then they would complain to the principal. But unlike other students, I was a bit brave. I knew, after all, I am an ICSE batch student and the school has investments in me. My registration for the board examinations was completed, I wasn't doing anything illegal in the sight of the law and I had supporters for me. I said, "You may proceed with whatever you think fits". This pissed them off. One of them held my collar and pushed me. I was quiet. I just smiled and said, "Chill bro... I haven't caused any harm to you. Neither did I utter anything disgraceful. I just willingly said, you may proceed." But those dumbass idiots weren't in a mood to listen. I was slowly walking to my car when suddenly I heard Anushmitaa screaming. Sarthak was throwing stone chips at her. She was scolding Sarthak but he wasn't listening. Now two problems and me trapped. And as per the law of self-defence, I lost my cool. I jumped into the air and flung open a kick straight on the face of a senior who instantly flew a meter and fell. Then I turned back and started to hit the others wildly. My pocket was torn, and a side of my lips cut yet I didn't stop. I kicked, punched, pushed, and threw guys and finally, all were down. And then I turned to Sarthak. Still, I said to him, "Leave her" and nothing harsh. But he didn't listen. I walked in his path, put a tight slap on his face and then continuously thrashed him for almost 10 minutes unless the guard came and stopped me. Blood was on my head. I was so angry then,(I don't know how I had reached that state) that I was unstoppable. Only Anushmitaa knew how to stop me and she held my hands firmly. The guards had a long trifle with me. I didn't care. One of them even tried to hold my hand and take me to the Principal's office. I withdrew my hand and warned him sternly, "Mind your own business". He said he would complain but I don't think he did. Luckily there was no problem the next day but Anushmitaa was worried about me. She said, "Please don't get angry. If Sarthak continued that way then I would have surely called the school guards but I didn't give him attention. But please you don't get that angry." I turned to Anushmitaa and held her hands firmly. I said, "You are my asset, Anu. Tell me a thing, if someone did the same thing with your mom, would your dad just let them go? Then why would I? I have the same sentiments for you." Anushmitaa said, "I can understand, but see till now this relationship is not valid. We are underaged. If we are exposed both of us would be hampered. You have boards, I have a career to make." I saw she was frightened. I said, "Don't worry Anu. I promise you I won't ever raise my hands." She almost cried and said, "Thank you..." and hugged me. That day I felt for the first time that love exists. And I found my love in her. At times we had quarrels but those are natural. Anushmitaa had dominance in her character, a charm in her presence and an obsession with studies. I swear, there had been so many people in my life and none dared to dominate me or I didn't accept it from them, be it even my parents. But the dominance of Anushmitaa was something which I loved. I loved the way she was. 

    

    But luck is a fuck. It can never tolerate good things for long. Perhaps life was giving me the indications of being a Krishna in some Mahabharat and I had to leave my Radha forever. But fate doesn't come along. It slyly pushes elements to do that. Ankan and Somshudhya were jealous of me. My two best friends sharpened their own knives for backstabbing me. But unfortunately I never ever got any indication of this upcoming disaster. I met her for the last time on 10th February 2017. Little did I know that our lifelines were going to be permanently deflecting from each other. The boards came, and I performed well. Then I was admitted to the Narayana School. But Ankan had already started the backstabbing. The fact that he was known to Anushmitaa before she knew me couldn't be denied. Anushmitaa trusted him but as an elder brother only. And also, Anushmitaa used to take tuition from Ankan's mother. So, they were known on different grounds too. Ankan used this opportunity. He was mainly jealous of my ranks. He thought he was the most hardworking. He had that impression because he used to mug up things. Somshudhya wasn't involved to that level but he too was jealous. But he was wiser than Ankan and he made him do all the dirty stuff. Ankan tried to manipulate Anushmitaa against me by hook and by crook. When that didn't work, he made a fake Facebook account of my name and Somshudhya was taking selfies with me, which I was completely unaware of the fact. Now the fake Facebook account had my name, my images and some posts related to me. Also in the Narayana school, I used to take a spare smartphone just for taking notes and listening to music while coming back home. But this gave them a chance to make evidence. If there would have been anything wrong then everyone would blame me. And finally, one day, Ankan made an abusive post against Anushmitaa from the fake Facebook account they made. It was probably live for a few days unless it spread like wildfire. Then they deleted the account and removed all forms of basic information from it. But it had done its work. Anushmitaa saw it. My father saw it. My friends saw it and all started to blame me. I was only aware of this thing from my father who had heard it from the principal of Narayana who happened to get this information from some other student. There was a lot of drama. I was scolded and thrashed by my father but more over that what I lost was the confidence of Anushmitaa. I even tried to contact her after a few days but she didn't take up the call. The sky broke on my head. Everything shattered. I was stabbed too badly by the people whom I trusted the most. Each and every minute was getting so hard on me. I was in trauma for weeks. On top of that, there was a lot of pressure of the board exams, Class 12. JEE Mains and much more. I was tossing in the tide. I had irreparable losses and more armies approaching with tougher situations. The thing that hurt me the most was mistrust. I was misunderstood and not got a single opportunity to prove myself. Today I feel that JEE Mains was also a culprit in my life. Hadn't I left VIS then, I and Anushmitaa would have emerged as the longest-lasting couple in the school.

    Years have passed now. Life has dragged a long way down today. I am 29 years old now and might be turning 30 this July. Might be, because I have no plans to live further. My parents might be looking for a bride for me, but I am away from all those shits. After all, no riches have any significance in the life of the dead. I just wanted to ask Anushmitaa how could she misunderstand me? Or was it at all a misunderstanding or just a fright instilled in her by her parents and Ankan? Might be she would have a boyfriend now or might be her parents are looking forward to getting her married soon. Whatever it might be, I would just wish her all the pleasures and happiness in her life. I wish she might forget me and be happier with her tomorrow. I was just a good past, not willing to get reinstalled in her future and bring pain. After her, many girls have come into my life. Anuradha, Rajashree, Arpita, Anshika but none can match her charm. She was the angel. Not everyone is an angel. And in a few days, my tongue might taste cyanide and bid adieu to the world. But somewhere, in some safe vaults of memories, she will always reside just beside me. As Anushmitaa beside Mainak. As the bright ray of sun, on the mountain with wings. The ray of sun which had once removed all darknesses from the mountain and her loss has mercilessly pushed me into the darkness forever in life. Perhaps, love has lost the battle this time.